Originally Written: August 4, 2006, Day 4 in Treatment #2
If you succeed at your eating disorder, you will die. ED (a.k.a. eating disorder) is pretty much like a best friend. ED is always there for you in times of need, lets you be alone, and never lets you go. I need to make sure that I am really ready to say goodbye to ED. You can’t hold on to ED even a little bit because he will creep right back into every moment of your life. He is suffocating. He is debilitating. He is selfish. He pushes you away from everyone else. He wants you all to himself and won’t let anything or anyone stand in his way. He doesn’t give you any room to live a happy life. He takes it from you minute by minute.
Thoughts from 2017: I like to use to analogy that every person with an eating disorder has a shelf within himself or herself. When you are immersed in your eating disorder, it’s at the front of your shelf. The longer you abstain from your eating disorder, the further and further back it moves on your shelf. However, it’s always on your shelf. It will never fully go away. When something really hard, traumatic, or life changing happens in your life, ED will start waving at you, poke you, and start saying, “Hey…it’s me. I am here to help. I am here for whatever you need”. In those moments, you have to find the strength to say no to ED, grab a friend from your support network, and use a healthy coping mechanism you have in your box of recovery tricks.