Originally Written: August 2, 2006, Day 2 in Treatment #2
I didn’t pay attention to group therapy. I was trapped in my own head. My mind is racing and it’s uncontrollable. I can’t concentrate on therapy. Does this mean I am failing at treatment and in my recovery? Is it normal that I keep questioning if I should be in treatment? I can’t stop questioning all of my decisions in life. Do I even want to get better?
Thoughts:
- Even when someone says I am a good person, I don’t believe them because they don’t know everything about me.
- The relationship with my dad, my mom, and my sister need work.
- I started to think about how I judge my sister. I don’t understand why she is the way she is. She overeats and I don’t understand it. She is what I am afraid of.
- I remember always sending postcards to all my friends when I would go on family vacations when I was young and no one sent me any. I remember being so caring and generous as a child. I remember always doing things for others. Why was I so sensitive?
- I still don’t think I will ever be in 100% recovery and fully healed.
- I second guess love and people who love me.
