Originally Written: August 3, 2006, Day 3 in Treatment #2
Evening wrap up is a group reviewing the day. We each discuss our day, our feelings about dinner, and anything else important we want to disclose. I really need to do therapy with my mom, dad, and sister. I need to be honest with myself and with others. I need to surrender and trust Renfrew. I am still fixated on wanting to be physically smaller. Everyone has bad body image here especially me. The goal is to not let it ruin your day or keep you from doing things you enjoy.
Becca, one of the counselors, really pissed me off tonight. I gave Elise tissues because she was crying. Becca said, “Don’t give her tissues. Let her cry”. She made me feel like I did something wrong by giving Elise a tissue. I was really upset and angry at Becca for making me feel that way. Am I being sensitive? I don’t have the guts to say anything to Becca. I swallowed my feelings like I always do.
Another patient, Jenn, talked about how she was going to sign her 72 (her release to leave). Does everything in life boil down to money? I need to forgive myself for relapsing. But how? Stop thinking about the past. How? I have so many questions. Who will give me these answers? I am feeling really vulnerable and my expectations in life really scare me. How do you move past living in debilitating fear?
When you fall off the horse, you get back on. It takes 20 times to fall off a horse before it stops hurting.
