Ad Clicks : Ad Views : Ad Clicks : Ad Views : Ad Clicks : Ad Views : Ad Clicks : Ad Views : Ad Clicks : Ad Views : Ad Clicks : Ad Views : Ad Clicks : Ad Views : Ad Clicks : Ad Views : Ad Clicks : Ad Views : Ad Clicks : Ad Views : Ad Clicks : Ad Views : Ad Clicks : Ad Views : Ad Clicks : Ad Views : Ad Clicks : Ad Views :
Home / Moments in Treatment / Body Image Experiential

Body Image Experiential

/
/
/
917 Views

Originally Written: August 5, 2006, Day 5 in Treatment #2

Mornings are always the hardest for me. Breakfast went ok. I have a little anxiety walking to Body Image Experiential, but it’s not overpowering today. I just feel so lost and I truly think I didn’t get fully better the first time I was in treatment in 2001. I think I wasn’t ready to deal with everything and I was too immature.

Group started with a quote: It’s not uncommon to hear someone with an eating disorder describe her relationship with her body as that of one with a stranger or even an enemy.

I mean – WOW. This quote truly resonates with me. What does this quote mean to me?

  • I talk about my body as if it were an ‘it’.
  • I hate my body.
  • It’s not a stranger to me. It’s an enemy I have gone to battle with.
  • I get mad at it when it doesn’t make me happy or when it changes.
  • I take my anger and sadness out on my body.
  • I take what I do wrong out on my body.
  • I turn away from my feelings and use my eating disorder to numb myself.
  • Instead of facing other people, I face myself and take it out on my body.

My eating disorder has taken on dimension. How do you get closer to yourself? Feelings invade my space and I manage my feelings by ignoring them.

We, then, did an exercise as a group. Karen, the Body Image Therapist, tapped me on the shoulder as if my feelings were tapping me on the shoulder. I felt a lot of anxiety. Elise, a patient, said I looked like an abused little girl without tears. Another patient said I looked very guilty and as if I was blaming myself for something that wasn’t my fault. I feel like I am not allowed to feel. I need to ask people if I am allowed to feel a certain way. Why? How did I get so fucked up?

Thoughts in 2017: Recovery is like an onion. You have to peel back the layers of issues and trauma to get to the core in order to progress into full recovery. Looking back, I did the best I could in my first time in treatment. I truly gave it my all. I did everything my treatment team told me to do. They called me the poster child of treatment. I tricked my brain the first time in treatment. I told myself that I should give treatment 100% of me. Worst case, I can leave and go back to the same thing I was doing before. I was so depressed and miserable, it worked.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Google+
  • Linkedin
  • Pinterest

Sign Up for Our Newsletter Today

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This div height required for enabling the sticky sidebar
Be late. Indulge in luxury sheets

Join Us in Building an

Eating Disorder

Recovery Community

 

Let's kick ED's ass to

the curb together.

* For a limited time only, first 200

memberships are FREE.